I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
