yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
