I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
