you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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