I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
