if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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