I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
