You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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