is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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