i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
