I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He shit in the fireplace
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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