I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
