Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
