Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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