; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
