Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
