my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
