He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
