can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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