He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
