You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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