The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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