I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
