you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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