i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
