Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
