I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
