I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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