I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
