booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
