Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
