So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
