ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
