For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We need to get me chipped asap
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
