I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
