I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
