Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
