you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
