Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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