Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
