dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize