Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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