well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
