did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
