I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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