I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
