I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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