You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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