I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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