i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
