This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
