I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize