you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
