Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize