Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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