We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
