Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
