$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
