It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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