someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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