Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
