I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize