Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
