Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
