Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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