there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
