Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
