Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
