I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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