I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
FUCK WHALES
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
