i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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