We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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