Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize